In a transfer that has despatched shockwaves throughout the ski business, the Trump Group has introduced its acquisition of Vail Resorts, marking the most important shakeup in ski resort possession for the reason that invention of the Epic Move—or, because it’s now being known as, the “Most Epic Move, Presumably Ever.”
As a part of the rebrand, a number of iconic Vail-owned mountains are present process instant title modifications to higher mirror the brand new possession. Vail itself will grow to be “Trump Mountain Colorado,” whereas Park Metropolis has been rebranded “Trump Utah: The Best Ski Resort In The West (In accordance To Many Individuals).” Whistler Blackcomb will now function below the title “Trump Worldwide Resort & Golf Membership: Glacier Version,” regardless of having no golf course and being situated in Canada.
Cafeterias throughout the newly rebranded resorts will now characteristic unique Trump-branded meals choices, together with:
Trump Steaks (“The World’s Most Presidential Ribeye”)
Melania’s Signature Goulash (obtainable solely in Whistler, for authorized causes)
Gold Leaf Nachos (solely at Trump Mountain Colorado, market worth)
Moreover, a brand new slogan shall be prominently featured throughout all resort signage, path maps, and grooming reviews: “MASA — Make America Ski Once more.” This replaces the previous slogan, “Expertise the Epic,” which executives deemed “low vitality.”
Sources inform us that each one carry towers will quickly be painted gold, and all blue sq. trails shall be renamed “Crimson Trails,” as a consequence of branding conflicts. In a daring media coverage shift, press credentials will now solely be issued to journalists who agree to stick to the brand new branding—a change justified by “correcting the colour bias” in ski path nomenclature.
And in what some are calling a “preemptive hostile ski resort merger”, insiders report that the Trump Group is eyeing Deer Valley for annexation, citing the existence of a path named “Trump” as “clear authorized precedent” for eminent area. Legal professionals acquainted with the case declined to remark, although one was overheard asking if “that is actually occurring” a number of instances.
Our Take
Whereas some skiers and riders is likely to be alarmed by the sudden transformation of their favourite mountains into politically branded snow playgrounds, it’s not the primary time the ski business has flirted with… daring selections. From the rise of resort consolidation to $30 parking charges on the base of a three-chairlift hill, nothing ought to shock us anymore. That mentioned, this transfer cranks the dial as much as 11.
On the one hand, the Trump Group has a knack for branding, actual property, and lavish experiences—three issues the trendy ski business appears more and more obsessive about. Anticipate high-end luxurious upgrades, extra exclusivity, and probably a golden gondola or two. Alternatively, the MASA slogan may alienate the extra impartial or apolitical nature of the ski world, the place the one crimson vs. blue debate ought to be about path problem, not voter affiliation.
One business insider famous: “When you thought the Epic vs. Ikon discourse was heated, simply wait till this season’s car parking zone arguments.”
In the end, whether or not that is the best enterprise transfer in ski historical past stays to be seen. However one factor’s for certain: the slopes simply bought a complete lot extra… Trumped.
Editor’s Observe: When you’ve learn this far and haven’t realized it’s April 1st, we hope you’ve at the very least loved your temporary descent into alt-ski actuality. No, the Trump Group has not acquired Vail Resorts. But.
