Our tradition loves giving out frivolous awards: Oscars, Grammys, Nobels…
[“We’re all sooo impressed, Einstein.”]
…however no accolade is as pointless as Individuals For Bikes’s “Finest Metropolis” rankings, and apparently this 12 months America’s “Finest Massive Metropolis for Biking” is…
Brooklyn?!?
Setting apart how a lot bother America is in if Brooklyn represents the very best bicycling we’ve to supply, there’s additionally the much more troubling indisputable fact that BROOKLYN IS NOT A CITY. Sure, it’s true, it was as soon as its personal metropolis, again in 1898, and it’s even true that if you have been a child you most likely had a crotchety uncle who nonetheless considered it that approach, and who known as Manhattan “New York.” However now it’s 2025, it’s not a metropolis, even when it does have a basketball staff, and due to this fact that is all a load of crap:
PeopleForBikes’ 2025 Metropolis Rankings rank the bikeability of practically 3,000 cities throughout the U.S. and all over the world. For the primary time, this 12 months’s scores divide New York Metropolis into its 5 boroughs, recognizing the local-level work being finished to enhance bicycling. Three boroughs landed within the prime 10 greatest giant U.S. cities for biking for 2025: Manhattan took the #10 spot with a rating of 51 (out of a doable 100), Queens got here in at #4 with a rating of 63, and Brooklyn took this 12 months’s #1 spot with a rating of 73, narrowly surpassing final 12 months’s top-scoring giant metropolis, Minneapolis.
What he hell sort of gerrymandering is that this? You don’t get to carve a metropolis up into 5 separate cities simply since you really feel prefer it. Additionally, two of the “cities” (Staten Island and the Bronx) aren’t even talked about right here, presumably as a result of they’re not adequate. But the identical goddamn Division of Transportation is liable for all of those locations! Shouldn’t this mirror badly on them, and the town as a complete, together with these hoity-toity Brooklynites? Let’s say my home is a cease on the native backyard tour. I’ve acquired 5 flower beds. One is sweet, two are sort of okay, and two are simply patches of dust and dried dogshit. Do I deserve a ribbon for being the very best gardener on the town? In fact I don’t! That award ought to rightfully go to my neighbor who diligently cultivates his whole backyard, the smug bastard.
But as a substitute we’re performing like watering solely one in all your flower beds is an effective factor:
So how did Brooklyn turn into the very best giant U.S. metropolis for biking? A formidable community of protected and linked locations to experience. New York Metropolis as a complete is residence to 1,550 miles of motorbike lanes, bike paths, and neighborhood greenways, making it North America’s largest bicycle community. Brooklyn particularly has extra miles of motorbike lanes than some other borough.
Right here’s that lazy gardener, by the best way, phoning it in on the 5 Boro Bike Tour:
To be honest, Brooklyn does have just a few issues going for it that the opposite boroughs don’t. For instance, there’s that 25mph velocity restrict:
Along with a formidable community of devoted bike infrastructure, Brooklyn’s borough-wide residential velocity restrict of simply 25 mph additionally makes its streets low-stress and protected for bicyclists in keeping with PeopleForBikes’ Bicycle Community Evaluation, the data-driven program behind Metropolis Rankings.
Wait a minute. THAT’S THE SPEED LIMIT EVERYWHERE IN THE CITY, together with right here within the Bronx. But we’re not even a wildcard:
Hey, we’ve acquired bike lanes too! It’s simply that they’re largely used for laundry vehicles:
That won’t impress Individuals for Bikes, however I wager it will get the Worldwide Detailing Affiliation’s consideration:
I don’t know if they’ve “Finest Detailing Metropolis” rankings, however we’re a shoo-in to win the photograph contest:
All I’m saying is {that a} metropolis is sort of a bike lock, and it’s solely as robust as its weakest hyperlink. It’s not like a staff time trial within the Tour de France, the place you get to drop just a few guys as a result of they base your ending time on the fifth rider to cross the road.
Possibly the Harlem River Greenway mission will assist push us up within the rankings subsequent 12 months:
That’s gonna make a helluva automobile wash.
