Hey! Look! Extra thrilling information on the earth of bikes oh pricey god make it cease please simply shoot me now:
No have to tease the bike, Salsa. I’ll simply tease it myself by singing, “Nyah nyah nyah-nyah-nyah, you’re ugly and also you’re a mountain bike!”
By the define, there are some things we all know for positive: it’s a full suspension bike, and it has dropbars and a dropper publish. The tires look like of MTB dimension, however with how large gravel tires are getting today, it may simply fall into the aggressive gravel or ATB class. Understanding Salsa, there’s a superb likelihood this bike will work properly for bikepacking and journey driving – what seems to be body bag mounts contained in the entrance triangle, and beneath the highest tube appear to assist that principle. Replace: We now know based mostly on the touchdown web page for the brand new bike on Salsa’s web site, that that is certainly a full suspension gravel bike!
I imply actually, it’s sufficient already. If it walks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then THIS IS JUST ANOTHER GODDAMN MOUNTAIN BIKE.
Nonetheless, I visited the touchdown web page after which threw my laptop throughout the toilet (sure, I used to be on the bathroom, so what?) :
I don’t know what it’s, I don’t care what it’s, and Salsa’s declare that they “outlined the fashionable day gravel bike” could or is probably not true, however whether it is then they need to be ashamed of themselves. It looks as if solely yesterday when Salsa (Surly’s extra civilized cousin) used to supply bikes like this…
And this…
And even this:
That final one is known as a “cyclocross bike,” and it’s what you rode on what they now name “gravel” if you weren’t positive in case your highway bike would reduce it.
However sure, there was a time you might browse pictures from the North American Handmade Bike Present and never really feel that dangerous about the way you’d by no means be capable to afford that customized metal bike since you may relaxation assured Salsa would produce an affordable knockoff shortly thereafer.
Now Salsa is simply this:
Look, I get it. I’m outdated and cranky. That is what the individuals need now. However why? Who the hell would need to get up to this?
[“Ugh, how drunk was I last night?”]
As a result of it has disc brakes that howl like a forlorn dingo on the slightest trace of moisture? As a result of it might need marginally extra tire clearance than that elegant Casseroll? (Say “elegant Casseroll” 10 instances quick.) What’s unsuitable with humanity as a species that by 2010 the idea of the sporting bicycle was so dialed in that even a model owned by a motorcycle elements distributor may crank out a very nice highway bike this good…
…however a mere 15 years later we tore all of it up and got here up with this as an alternative?
It’s simply unhappy.
Not that my very own bikes exhibit a lot in the best way of refinement, thoughts you:
Certainly, relying by yourself sensibilities, you might presently be experiencing the dry heaves. However what can I say? This bike is my very own private act of revolt–towards colours that match and general aesthetic cohesion, positive, but in addition towards suspension and disc brakes and “redefining what’s doable” and tire clearance for tire clearance’s sake and bloated, swollen bikes that appear like they’re having a extreme allergic response and have to be jabbed with an EpiPen.
The world could also be passing me by, and that’s high-quality, however that’s not going to cease me from shaking my fist at it as I stand there in a cloud of mud.
