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Home Cycling

Horst Case Scenario

October 18, 2025
in Cycling
Reading Time: 17 mins read
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Horst Case Scenario


The newest factor in gra- uh, broccoli bikes is after all full suspension:

And it not too long ago occurred to me that I’m at the moment in possession of a full suspension broccoli bike, because of Basic Cycle:

Certain, when it was new it was thought-about a mountain bike–and a cutting-edge one at that–however by at the moment’s requirements it resides squarely in broccoli nation.

It had been awhile since I final rode the ol’ AMP-ersand, however fall is the easiest time of yr for what within the pre-broccoli days we used to name “mountain biking,” so I hit the trailway and soft-tailed it to the forbidding Trails Behind The Mall:

There’s nothing extra decadent than a mid-week journey, and I gleefully thumbed each my nostril and my gears at my duties:

Apart from my duties because the Basic Cycle Outdated Crap Check Pilot, that’s:

In addition to my further duties as a complete Pearl Izumi whore empowered intercourse employee:

When Pearl Izumi despatched me a complete whole graveling broccoli-ing outfit, they included their so-called “Expedition Shorts,” which–get this–are literally half shorts. (Not less than those they despatched me are, although it appears to be like like in addition they are available in a bib model.) It’s been many a yr since I’ve worn a daily half-short, and I’m undecided why they despatched me these, although maybe they seen my furry legs and figured I match the demographic. I can’t say I like the dearth of shoulder straps after I’m using a motorbike with drop bars, however on the much less rangy AMPer they really feel simply positive. I do actually just like the aspect pocket, which is significantly larger than the one on the final broccoli outfit they despatched me, and which I actually admire as a result of I not too long ago received a a lot bigger cellphone, and whereas it doesn’t match within the pocket on the outdated shorts it does slot in these. In order that they’ve received that going for them, which is sweet.

Oh, and I even wore the flat pedal sneakers they despatched me a number of years in the past:

I choose common sneakers more often than not, however these are a bit bit higher for so-called “mountain biking” on extra aggressive pedals with pins.

All of that is to say I arrived on the Trails Behind The Mall wanting like some form of super-dork who teleported in from the twentieth century and received his DNA scrambled with a mountain biker and a roadie–although the paths themselves have been resplendent of their fall foliage:

And whereas it’s at all times shocking how comically tiny 26-inch wheels really feel whenever you return to them, the sunshine and nimble AMPer is sort of a enjoyable bike on which to scAMPer:

Additionally, just like the Y-Foil, I’m free to take pleasure in it regardless of its evil suspension as a result of it’s outdated and out of date and subsequently not a risk to my beliefs. Better of all, there was a time when to show your smugness and your mettle on the paths you used to must journey a singlespeed or no less than a inflexible bike, however now mountain bikers are so coddled merely using a motorbike with 26-inch wheels and rim brakes is enough to make individuals suppose you’re punishing your self needlessly. And talking of rim brakes, when you’re sufficiently old you in all probability bear in mind your bike making a continuing bike sound right now of yr as a result of leaves have been at all times getting caught in there:

That is the one actual benefit to disc brakes, although I suppose the loud freehubs everybody makes use of now have made up for it. If there’s one factor cyclists can’t appear to tolerate, it’s silence.

Possibly this full suspension broccoli bike factor goes to catch on in any case:

I’d put drop bars on it, however the entrance finish is so low I’d break my again making an attempt to achieve them.

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