Since I’m merely a semi-professional bicycle blogger and never really engaged within the shopping for and promoting of biking gear (until you rely promoting my very own used bikes) I hardly ever learn the trades, however sometimes I do check out Bicycle Retailer, and I used to be relieved to see that the bicycle business has not in truth been destroyed:
I’m no businessperson, however I’m fairly certain it’s excellent news when your factories nonetheless exist, and so total I stay bullish on the state of the business.
Higher nonetheless, I see that Mips has launched its 2023 Sustainability Report, they usually’ve managed to cut back their emissions!
Mips in fact is the helmet know-how that stands for “Multi-directional Affect Safety System,” and shouldn’t be confused with “Moops:”
If there are two issues I’m deeply involved about, it’s helmet use and the state of the planet:
Due to this fact, I learn the report [PDF] with nice curiosity, and if you happen to’re something like me you’ll discover this picture of an individual launching himself right into a desert panorama deeply relatable:
This is sort of a pet meals firm placing out its personal sustainability report and utilizing the picture of a lion tamer:
Or a cutlery firm utilizing a picture of a knife thrower:
But oddly many cycling-related corporations haven’t but found out you’re purported to distance your self from the freaks with a demise want, not use them to embody the spirit of your product.
Although I suppose they’re within the helmet enterprise, so possibly it’s extra like DuPont utilizing a knife thrower to advertise Kevlar, which I suppose is sensible in spite of everything, what the hell do I do know?
Anyway, Mips just isn’t a helmet firm within the conventional sense; slightly, they create “helmet options” and license this know-how to numerous manufacturers and producers (equivalent to Giro) as a “Mind Safety System:”
In accordance with the sustainability report, Mips noticed web gross sales of SEK357 million in 2023, which is like 33 million American Enjoyable Tickets:
That is down from the SEK563 million they noticed in 2022 and the SEK608 million they noticed in 2021, which I’m assuming was a results of the Pando Years, when a quick mania for each bicycles and PPE swept throughout the developed world.
After all, if you happen to’re an investor, you don’t prefer to see Mips gross sales happening:
And sure, Mips is publicly traded:
This implies Mips has received to offer their buyers one thing to be ok with. Alas, because the bike increase recedes into our collective helmet mirror, Mips should grapple with the truth that, regardless of their unquenchable thirst for equipment (particularly baggage), the world’s remaining gravelistas can solely put on so many helmets as they’ve however one head every to offer for his or her life-style:
And so as a substitute Mips is boasting about their sustainability accomplishments:
Should you’re an investor, that is like going into the hospital for an operation and waking as much as discover that they didn’t take away your infected appendix, however they did wash and elegance your hair.
Additionally, Mips purchased a bit of a sensor firm:
Hey, your drivetrain is now tethered to your cellphone and powered by batteries, so why ought to your helmet be any totally different?
I’m going to offer them the advantage of the doubt and assume this know-how has improved since I attempted it out again in 2016:
Not solely does helmet sensor know-how name 911 for you if you crash, nevertheless it additionally retains you entertained between crashes:
Finally with the assistance of AI it’s going to additionally submit the story of your crash on to social media, full with footage and the compulsory “My helmet saved my life” conclusion–until you fail to outlive, by which case it’s going to substitute that with a GoFundMe to your designated beneficiary.
Sorry.
However sure, Mips is decided to develop regardless of diminished gross sales, and their objective is to turn into “the plain companion to all related helmet manufacturers:”
And to finally attain full world domination:
To emphasise this, they embody the picture of some path bro humping his bike in mid-air:
Why should these corporations current biking as bizarrely as doable always? Once you see an advert for an erectile dysfunction treatment you see, oh, I dunno, an older couple holding arms, not some man in a spiked leather-based bodysuit fucking a watermelon. And path bro right here is the watermelon-fucker’s biking equal.
It was at this level I started to appreciate the individuals at Mips could also be complete megalomaniacs, as a result of not solely do they need to take over the world, however they’re going to singlehandedly change its temperature:
To me, that is the proper summation of our trendy age: create one thing no one wants within the first place, hyperlink it to an enormous drawback, after which faux you’re fixing the issue. Like, if helmet overproduction actually is an existential menace to the planet, shouldn’t we cease making the fucking helmets? Sure, I do know some types of biking are riskier than others, however what share of the world’s riders are watermelon-fuckers anyway?
1%? .5%? Additionally, and I do know that is going to sound harsh, however does anyone actually care in regards to the watermelon-fuckers? Like, I don’t need something unhealthy to occur to them, however if you happen to launch your self into the desert, invert your self, and take a hand of the handlebars, ought to I actually be involved to your well-being? It looks as if there was a time not that way back in human historical past the place if you happen to needed to do shit like that it was your drawback.
However no, we want a complete international provide chain so we will outfit a tiny minority of watermelon-fuckers. I imply have a look at all this shit simply to make a foam biking hat!
After all Mips understands it’s going to take greater than excessive risk-takers to maintain them, and that’s why they’re very enthusiastic about urbanization and extra individuals crashing on e-bikes:
Extra and sooner bikes with batteries means sooner crashes, which suggests extra and higher helmets with batteries. And that’s a win for the planet.
