The NFL dropped one in every of my favourite issues of the offseason: The official coach’s photograph. Every year the league asks that every one 32 coaches be a part of collectively for a category photograph throughout league conferences, and it by no means stops being entertaining.
What makes the coach photograph particular is that there’s seemingly by no means a plan for this factor. Guys simply rock up in no matter garments they occurred to throw on and get herded like cats to get this shot. In consequence we get a way of their true personalities, and in the present day we’re breaking down the actual jobs of all these coaches in an alternate timeline.
Left to proper, again row first
Brian Daboll, Giants: Locksmith in Queens telling you it’s going to be $275 to open your door with a bank card
Mike McDonald, Seahawks: Works at his finest buddy’s comedian guide retailer
Kellen Moore, Saints: Insurance coverage salesman who retains pressuring you to take out a life insurance coverage coverage in your baby irrespective of what number of instances you say no.
Liam Coen, Jaguars: Youth pastor at a South Carolina megachurch
Todd Bowles, Buccaneers: Police sergeant, however like a great cop
Shane Steichen, Colts: Supervisor of a medical provide firm. Is aware of the whole lot about bathroom chairs for the aged
Kevin O’Donnell, Vikings: Assistant supervisor at Shane Steichen’s medical provide firm
Mike Tomlin, Steelers: Proprietor/chef of a meals truck. Needed to rent a cashier as a result of he was too grumpy to deal with prospects
Dan Campbell, Lions: Soccer coach
Sean Payton, Broncos: Proprietor/operator of ‘Flip Flops Grill’ in Redondo Seaside
Zac Taylor, Bengals: Bland father often featured in background of household YouTube channel
DeMeco Ryans, Texans: Bodily therapist who secretly enjoys seeing purchasers in ache
Dave Canales, Panthers: Private coach who will get just a bit too near his purchasers
Brian Schottenheimer, Cowboys: Wendy’s supervisor who tells everybody his job is in “gross sales”
Mike Vrabel, Patriots: Exterminator you’re nervous might need inhaled an excessive amount of bug spray through the years
Jonathan Gannon, Cardinals: Used automobile salesman who has an ideal deal on a 2004 Kia Optima you possibly can drive away in in the present day irrespective of how unhealthy your credit score is
Ben Johnson, Bears: Personal golf teacher at Raleigh-area nation membership
Aaron Glenn, Jets: tenth grade English trainer, however his actual ardour is trumpet
Mike McDaniel, Dolphins: Improvised hip hop dance teacher in Flagstaff, Arizona
Matt LaFleur, Packers: Was a semi-pro tennis participant. Now teaches Pickleball
Sean McDermott, Payments: Dentist with three excellent malpractice lawsuits
Nick Sirianni, Eagles: Working his household’s sports activities bar into the bottom. Featured in season three of Kitchen Nightmares
Andy Reid, Chiefs: Retired. Presently touring coast-to-coast in his RV
Sean McVay, Rams: Monetary planner advising all his prospects to place their financial savings into “SpongeCoin.” Will finally bankrupt all of them and be investigated by SEC
John Harbaugh, Ravens: Arborist who offers ludicrous quotes for tree removing
Pete Carroll, Raiders: Kindly optometrist who makes too many puns about eyes
Jim Harbaugh, Chargers: Embezzlement
Kevin Stefanski, Browns: Baby remodeled into grownup with aide of an enchanted Zoltar machine
Kyle Shanahan, 49ers: Donates plasma
Brian Callahan, Titans: J.D. Vance lookalike for events. No one has ever booked him
Dan Quinn, Commanders: Host of a scared straight YouTube channel detailing what life in jail was like
Raheem Morris, Buccaneers (not pictured): John Cena
