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Old Man Yells At Crowd

October 26, 2024
in Cycling
Reading Time: 17 mins read
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Old Man Yells At Crowd


I’m sufficiently old to recollect when mountain bikes made sense. Nicely, okay, not all of them…

…however principally they had been similar to common bikes, solely with slender tires and flat bars. You bought on them and scampered round on a path. Perhaps you hopped over a log or one thing. It was enjoyable!



Now I don’t know what the hell they’re, and I don’t perceive any of the crap individuals are placing on them. For instance, can somebody clarify this to me?

Screenshot 2024 10 25 122539

Sure, I learn the article, however I’m nonetheless confused:

Screenshot 2024 10 25 123212

I’m sorry, what?

Screenshot 2024 10 25 123317

Okay, wait. I believe I get it.

No I don’t.

Oh wait, now I do. You want to spend $375 to make your suspension bike extra tolerable:

Screenshot 2024 10 25 123531

I believed the entire thing with clutches and single-ring drivetrains was that they had been less complicated and we might lastly get rid of the triple. However as an alternative you want a chainring that does this?



0e26cb 6ab51bb8cd4d41079b1f0f1501633465mv2

I assume it’s about time we had a chainring with service intervals:

We have made each effort to design this product to final and be low upkeep. Nevertheless, all high-performance components want some type of preventative upkeep to carry out optimally. We suggest cleansing and regreasing the damper as quickly as any noise or unfavourable feeling happens within the gadget. We additionally provide service kits and substitute chain rings that may be changed by following this information.Ought to a squeak seem within the actuation, a small drip of chain lube across the seals of the damper ought to repair this. 

Can we lastly admit that mountain “bikes” aren’t bikes anymore and that “mountain biking” is now not biking? Every little thing about it–from the driving to the paths to the tools designed to isolate you from the terrain to the obsession with getting air and never letting your tires contact the bottom–appears to be motivated by a profound need to keep away from something that looks like really driving a motorcycle. The article concerning the Rimjob factor even says that the “holy grail” is to make it really feel like your bike has no chain:

Screenshot 2024 10 25 125959

That’s like saying the holy grail of fucking is to make it really feel like you don’t have any dick.

These individuals are lacking your entire level:

purpose

They method biking like Ty Webb approaches tequila photographs:

caddyshack fail

I’ll wager you something that in 20 years if you go mountain biking you’ll simply be sitting on a $30,000 “bike” that simply floats over the floor of the path like a landspeeder from “”Star Wars:

Luke Skywalkers Soro Suub Corporation X 34 landspeeder

And sure, I do know it’s incorrect to criticize how different folks select to take pleasure in driving bikes, however that doesn’t apply to mountain bikers, and I believe we have to expel them already as soon as and for all. At this level they’re even worse than triathletes–and a triathlon isn’t even a motorcycle race, it’s simply somebody utilizing a bicycle to get from a swimming race to a working race as shortly as attainable.

Talking of previous stuff versus new stuff, lately I discovered myself in a type of components of Brooklyn which might be concurrently derelict and costly:

IMG 4333

There have been a number of previous autos rusting away behind chain hyperlink fences:

IMG 4327

Right now a truck like this appears positively historic:

IMG 4325

And an previous longtail cargo bike and not using a motor isn’t far behind:

IMG 4328

Are you able to even purchase a non-electric cargo bike anymore? Final I head the Surly Massive Dummy was being discontinued…although it’s nonetheless up on their web site, so I do not know if it’s true:

Screenshot 2024 10 25 131359

Hopefully bikes with out batteries and bouncy bits don’t get relegated to the incorrect aspect of the chain hyperlink fence of historical past ceaselessly.

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Tags: CrowdManYells
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