Resistance Is Futile

Good morning! Time on your day by day workout routines! Are you carrying your matching groupthink sweatsuit? Nice!

Now let’s all repeat the e-bike mantra:

I do know, I do know, there are many tales that assist the “largely peaceable” AI-generated narrative above. Moreover, I understand each place and each particular person is totally different, and also you shouldn’t make sweeping generalities primarily based by yourself anecdotes. Nonetheless, I really feel compelled to level out that as e-bikes proceed to proliferate the above is so starkly, absurdly, and hilariously antithetical to what I’m witnessing right here every day that I’m starting to surprise what else they’re mendacity to me about. I imply I’ve at all times accepted that the Earth is spherical and that we landed on the Moon, however I’m now contemplating becoming a member of the rising quantity of people that imagine we’ve been dwelling on the Moon all this time and that the flat factor up within the sky is definitely Earth:

[The actual Earth, which we never landed on and which is obviously flat.]

All I do know for positive is that this previous weekend I had like each destructive e-bike encounter it’s attainable to have, proper right down to a child wheelie-ing an electrical Citi Bike in opposition to visitors immediately at me on goal as I drove THE CAR THAT I OWN. And sure, I understand the unhappy irony that I’m now an previous man complaining about how annoying e-bikes are whereas I’m driving round in my automotive, however come on, that’s just a few silly shit. Moreover, it’s not like I’m saying we must always ban Citi Bikes or one thing–I stay pro-Citi Bike, and I do know absent Citi Bikes he’d merely discover another silly factor to do, like browsing on a subway prepare–I’m simply saying the complete panoply of e-assisted anarchy was on show this weekend, that’s all.

However maybe probably the most ironic factor I noticed was at a car parking zone alongside the North County Trailway, the place a gaggle of older gents had been unloading e-bikes that seemed like this from their pickup truck beds

The bikes had been so heavy that they needed to roll them down ramps like they had been bikes. So inform me: how the hell are this stuff a internet optimistic if persons are simply driving them to the bike path on pickup vehicles? I believed they had been imagined to remove automotive journeys; as a substitute they’d simply requiring folks to drive larger automobiles. Moreover, how are they enhancing “accessibility for all ages” on this state of affairs? They will wrangle an e-bike off of a Ford F-150 however they’ll’t pedal a bicycle? What about simply driving a standard automotive with a standard bike on it to the utterly flat bike path constructed alongside a former railroad line? Or, in the event you love motors and the feeling of being on two wheels, why not simply do what generations of retirees have finished earlier than you and BUY A FREAKING HARLEY-DAVIDSON?!? As an alternative of driving it to a motorcycle path you’ll be able to experience it proper out of the driveway! And positive, I understand folks do drive their bikes locations, however for probably the most half it’s the one leisure car that truly deserves to sport a “One Much less Automobile” sticker, and I’d a lot moderately “share the street” with a bunch of middle-aged motorcyclists on overpriced and over-chromed bikes than with extra pickup truck drivers, even when they’re carrying e-bikes on them.

After all what I actually assume they need to do is Simply Purchase A Rivendell already, however that’s by no means gonna occur:

Although I’d argue the concept Rivendells aren’t quick is a false impression. The truth is, I could at the moment be driving the World’s Raciest Rivendell:

The bars are even ever-so-slightly decrease than the saddle!

That is concerning the time of yr I begin deciding which bike to deliver with me on my end-of-summer trip, and whereas it’s at all times attainable I’ll make some zany last-minute determination* the Roadini is just about a shoo-in, inasmuch as I very a lot put it along with my end-of-summer trip wants in thoughts.

*[I also brought the Jones with me, so it really wasn’t all that zany after all.]

It has the drop bars and the clipless pedals to fulfill the roadie yearnings I appear unable to shake at the same time as I enter the shaking-fist-at-e-bikers section of life…

…and but I’ve received all of the gears I may probably must stand up these steep grime roads:

And naturally there’s adequate tire clearance ought to I jump over to Vermont and take it onto some Very Small Rocks:

I’ve been extraordinarily happy with these tires when it comes to each experience high quality and robustitude, and assume they’re very best for this bike–although I do generally lie awake and fear that my tire take a look at could also be mendacity to me:

Because of this I’m formally altering to “The Chung Methodology:”

Since actual world testing has such a excessive variety of components to contemplate, comparable to climate variability, floor adjustments, rider fatigue, and so on. getting correct outcomes is hard. All of those components make this testing rather more costly and time consuming than drum testing.

Poertner’s most well-liked testing methodology is known as the Chung Methodology, also referred to as Digital Elevation Testing.

What’s the Chung Methodology? Principally it’s driving the bike with totally different tires and seeing which of them are the quickest:

The fundamental premise of the Chung Methodology is to experience a brief, stop-free course a number of instances at quite a lot of energy outputs (an influence meter is important, as is a strategy to precisely measure velocity and altitude achieve). It’s also crucial to check on a day with out wind. By repeating this take a look at with totally different tyres, one can isolate the true coefficient of rolling resistance of every tyre on the floor at hand.

Does this “methodology” actually deserve its personal title? Isn’t it only a easy comparability? I arrived at which taste granola I want in a lot the identical means, however I don’t go round saying that I put together my breakfast utilizing The Tan Tenovo Methodology: