Stay Horsty My Friends

I’d hate to speak all the way down to you…

…however because the TD 5 Boro Bike Tour’s spokesdoofus I ought to remind you that this Sunday is the massive day:

I used to be all set to put waste to the journey aboard George Plimpton’s Y-Foil, a.okay.a. The Charity Trip Destroyer…

…however my spouse shall be becoming a member of me this 12 months and she or he actually doesn’t deserve that, so as a substitute I shall be using a much more civilized bicycle, sorry.

By the best way, I might have forgotten the journey was this weekend myself, besides I lately discovered myself in THE CAR THAT I OWN and all of the digital freeway indicators had been warning motorists of the approaching road closures…which they’ll both ignore or overlook about till Sunday once they discover themselves sitting in site visitors cursing that “goddam bicycle race.” (Each contributors and non-participants alike labor underneath the collective delusion that the TD 5 Boro Bike Tour is in actual fact a race.)

So what was I doing within the automotive? Properly, that’s my enterprise (okay advantageous, I needed to dump a physique, “bike blogger” is the best cowl for knowledgeable hitman), however whereas I used to be on the market burning fossil gasoline and crossing bridges I labored in a visit to the mountain bike trails in Hempstead Harbor Woods in Port Washington:

I’d been curious to journey these trails since they opened in (I imagine) 2019 however it’s exhausting to justify all of the site visitors and tolls between right here and Lengthy Island simply to knock round within the woods on a motorcycle for an hour or two, particularly when I’ve such an abundance of trails inside straightforward using distance of my house–none of which, I ought to add, are underneath any type of digital camera surveillance (a minimum of so far as I do know):

In actual fact there have been a minimum of two cameras skilled on me as I perused the map:

See?

Presumably these are to thwart vandals and folks on ATVs, which I’m all in favor of (I imply I’m in favor of thwarting them, I’m not in favor of them), however I hoped I wouldn’t run afoul of each CLIMB and the City of Hempstead for using a 31 year-old suspension bicycle, which in all probability violates a number of native ordinances in addition to my very own anti-suspension ethos:

Talking of the map, it doesn’t require a lot in the best way of perusal, as a result of it’s just about unattainable for anybody over the age of six to get misplaced in right here:

This fits me simply advantageous, as a result of as an inveterate metropolis slicker (some even say probably the most legit metropolis slicker in all of the land) with even much less spare time than I’ve outside survival abilities I’ve no tolerance in any way for wayfinding or orienteering of any sort. Whether or not it’s a mountain bike path or a dentist’s workplace I wish to know precisely after I’ll be getting out of there so I received’t be late to my subsequent appointment. (And you’ll overlook tenting; the one means you’ll discover me sleeping in a tent is that if this metropolis will get struck by a pure catastrophe and FEMA forces me into one.) Looking back, that is why I raced bicycles for thus a few years–not as a result of I used to be good at it (I emphatically wasn’t) or as a result of I used to be overly aggressive (I’m emphatically an enormous “woosie“), however somewhat as a result of the races began at like 6am and I knew I’d get a full day’s using in earlier than most individuals had been even awake.

Is the grass at all times greener on the opposite facet? I might say so. It’s additionally sandier. For years the closest trails to me had been the sleek, sandy trails of Lengthy Island, and I longed for extra. Then I moved to my present abode, from which I can journey to way more different and difficult terrain–and but I now discover myself lacking the type of quick, twisty, rollicking trails of which Hempstead Harbor Woods is sort of completely comprised:

I suppose every part feels type of magical presently of 12 months, however I discovered this diminutive little park each pleasant and enchanting:

And on the mainland you merely don’t discover trails that offer you that exhilaratingly easy marble run feeling:

The AMP was an excellent match for them, too:

These are compact trails with little to overwhelm a 26-inch wheel, and it is a compact bike–although a singlespeed is perhaps much more enjoyable right here: