It’s factor that Australia is all the best way on the opposite facet of the planet as a result of my worst nightmare is by some means getting combined up within the World Bare Bike Experience:
The World Bare Bike Experience combines the 2 issues I imagine individuals shouldn’t flaunt publicly: their exuberance, and their genitals. Certain, there’s a time and a spot for each, however I shouldn’t need to take care of both of them on my technique to work. Nevertheless, some individuals really feel fairly in another way, and so they relish being surrounded by a bunch fellow riders whose ass cheeks are indistinguishable from their saddlebags:
The concept of World Bare Bike Experience contributors making an attempt vigorously and vainly to wipe issues off of one another’s faces and different physique elements is now going to hang-out my goals.
In fact, that is Australia, so whereas the contributors received’t be carrying garments, they are going to be carrying helmets:
It appears to me for those who actually wished to make a degree about liberating cyclists from the tyranny of fossil fuels and the motorized vehicle industrial advanced you’d have a World Helmetless Bike Experience. It doesn’t even make sense from a security perspective, as a result of for those who’re going to fall off your bike, which might you fairly be carrying: a helmet, or pants? “Certain, I’ve bought a saddle sore the dimensions of a cantaloupe on my scranus and street rash alongside all the size of my penis, however thank goodness I used to be carrying a helmet!” However I suppose individuals in Australia are so deeply conditioned that they will experience round bare and in helmets with out experiencing any cognitive dissonance.
And talking of saddle sores, why drag the poor harmless bicycle into this disgusting mess, anyway? Wouldn’t the perfect automobile for using bare be an e-scooter?
I’m not an enormous fan of them myself, however objectively talking there’s actually no higher contraption for bare using, because you get most visibility and minimal crotchal chafing, to not point out wonderful airflow round and thru your undercarriage.
However in fact the World Bare Bike Experience isn’t about sensible concerns, it’s about “desexualizing the human physique:”
Hey, how’s that figuring out for you, Australia?
And don’t neglect a very powerful consideration in any respect–the local weather!
The conspiracy ought to be apparent to anybody who’s learn the most recent Trek Sustainability Report:
Do you know they’re portray their bikes with natural supplies now?
Their emblem is even made out of “biomass waste:”
Right here’s what biomass waste means:
World Bare Bike Experience? Physique paint? Paint made out of biomass waste?!?
ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION NOW???
That’s proper, inside 5 years the biking trade goes to eliminate clothes altogether. As a substitute, you’ll experience bare, and so they’ll promote you a can of manure and sewage sludge to color your self with earlier than the large experience. Perhaps it’ll even include a complete banana peel you need to use as a chamois.
However let’s not lose sight of the truth that the largest supply of Trek’s emissions isn’t the paint, or the clothes, and even the helmets. It’s the bicycles themselves:
Appears fairly clear to me that Trek ought to cease making bikes.
